"It is in the staying that we show our true devotion..."

Sorry it has been so long since our last update!  This is a long update, by necessity, but we want to share with you what God has been teaching us and how He has been working in us these past months.  As always, we thank you for your prayers as we continue on the journey God has called us to!

What if what seems good or easy to everyone else is actually quite the opposite for you? Why is it so easy to complain but so challenging to rejoice always? Life is hard and a life lived set apart for Jesus is even harder. It is much easier to go with the flow and blend in with the masses than it is to look different, live different and love differently than the world.

Over 3 years ago,  we moved our family to Madagascar to be missionaries. We were so admired & praised for that decision because it somehow showed our "true devotion" to Christ. I agree that it showed courage & devotion, but I have come to realize that it is not enough to go; but it is in the staying that we show our true devotion. For us it is twofold, please allow me to explain.

For us to go to Madagascar it was not easy, per se, but it was what God had been preparing us to do for years (14 years for me & 16 years for Andy). It was with excitement (and a little bit of apprehension) that we went to fulfill our call to the unreached peoples of Madagascar. But our success was not to be measured by going but by our staying. I don't mean in a physical sense but in a spiritual sense. We had to battle the enemy daily to stay in God's word & keep our eyes trained on Him; to surrender our agendas, our offenses, our discomforts and our grievances so that He would receive the glory. Sometimes we did well, but other times we did not. It was the times that we remained in Him that we had success--even more important--when He received the most glory.

Perhaps, to some it must have seemed easy & good for us to come "home." But in fact, it has been harder than initially going to Madagascar. Certainly, we have been very blessed by our time with family & friends but we also feel like wanderers, much like Abraham did when he was a sojourner in the land God promised his descendants.  The Israelites also were exiled to a strange land in Babylon; but for us this land is supposed to be our home, it's supposed to be familiar.  

We have often thought: How should I act? How should I feel? What do people expect of me? How do I find God in the midst of this busy, chaotic culture?  Despite what people may think we didn't (and truly, don't) want to be here. But we are slowly learning to be content in Him.

Shame on me for thinking that life was easy here in the U.S.! Of course, the vast majority of people are not fighting for survival each & every day; we have access to clean water, food to eat (often, too much), a "very nice" shelter, & clothes to wear (often, too many). No.  We are not physically fighting for survival, as many do in other parts of the world (including Madagascar), but we are fighting mentally & emotionally. Can I tell you that I have never felt so tempted, confused, overwhelmed & oppressed by the enemy than I do right here in my home culture?

The enemy has a huge foothold in our culture, dare I say in our church (materialism, anyone?) that has us completely worn out. This makes us too exhausted to even be able to hear God or know His will in order to obey Him.

Shortly after we returned to the states, I (Ruth) nearly had a panic attack in Target because I could not find the shampoo!  I was lost in the endless supply of body wash for men. Yes, there is a whole aisle full of just men's body wash!  It left me dazed & confused, wondering 'when did men stop using soap?!' And after a desperate call to Andy for help, I found myself lost again in the right aisle, only now with 100 choices of shampoo. I thought to myself "Just give me two or three choices, please."

We (as Americans) are constantly being overloaded with too many choices & with too much information that leaves us never satisfied with what we have.  This makes us arrogant that we know everything or fearful of the future. And if that isn't enough, our culture tells us that we must have our children in at least 2 extracurricular activities if we don't want to deprive them of a 'proper' upbringing. None of this is verbalized exactly, but it is pushed constantly by our schools & media. We Americans are constantly bombarded with so many distractions it is hard to focus on what is most important. For us, it was living a simpler life in Madagascar that helped us to see & think more clearly about the things that are eternal. (See Colossians 3:1-2) However, upon our return we have found ourselves worn out daily from fighting these temptations and redirecting ourselves (and our kids!) from the endless distractions, all while relearning how to live in this culture.

Being in all this chaos, we had to relearn that it is not about us; it never was & never will be. So, even though our dear friends meant well in praising us & putting us up on a pedestal--it is a much easier transition to go up than to come down. We have been humbled in coming back here, & now we are learning to be thankful again, even in this American culture.  

I remember saying to God, "But, you need us in Madagascar!"  He very clearly told me,  "I don't need you...you need me!!" Oh, how we have been learning every single day how much we need God!!

We are relearning the basics, how to listen to God & know His will specifically in this culture.  It has not been easy for us but we are struggling & striving everyday. We are fighting the enemy daily to find contentment in God alone, because we know that He has us here for a reason & He wants us to stay firm in Him and not be overcome by this world.

So, I have come to find that true devotion is shown through our willingness to surrender to God's lordship daily. It is not, predominantly, in the big decisions or extravagant displays of devotion but in the every day surrender to Him.  Choosing to rejoice and to not complain about life's many disappointments.  Choosing to laugh when you want to scream, cry, or throw a tantrum (not kidding, I have thought about it!) because life is not what you had hoped for.  But I am so glad it is not about what we hope for but the One who gives us hope!  The harder life gets here on earth, the more I long for heaven and I suppose that is what He wants: for us to long for Him & our forever home!

Here is a prayer that I began praying when God first called me to be a missionary when I was seventeen. I first learned of it after I played a role in a play about Betty Stam, a missionary who gave her life in China. I have thought of it often over the years but not prayed it a lot with sincerity until being reminded of it again in the last few weeks. This was Betty Stam's prayer for her life and I want this so much for my life & my family's life too:

"Lord, I give up my own purposes and plans,
all my own desires, hopes and ambitions (whether they be fleshly or soulish), and accept Thy will for my life, I give myself, my life, my all, utterly to Thee, to be Thine forever. I hand over to Thy keeping all of my friendships, my love. All the people whom I love are to take second place in my heart. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Work out Thy whole will in my life, at any cost, now and forever. 'To me to live is Christ and to die is gain.' "(Phil. 1:21)

Honestly, it scares me a little to pray this prayer because I am afraid that God will not send us back overseas and we will be 'stuck' in this culture to raise our kids. You see, I have longed for my kids to grow up overseas in order to have a worldview that is bigger than America can provide, and to truly understand what is most important in life.  But I am even more afraid to live outside of His will and thereby waste our lives that are meant to live wherever He would plant us. 

That said, we have recently become homeowners again in the states and have resigned from the IMB. Andy has been getting allergy shots for his allergies since late September of last year and he has not responded well to them. The allergist is uncertain how much of an impact these shots will have.  So we pray often that God would heal him. Truthfully, we have been waiting for God to write His will on the wall regarding our future in missions... but for now He has chosen to answer us in more subtle ways. After some wrestling with Him, we realized that he has been showing us that He wants us to stay here in the states for a more extended time than we would like.  God has given us peace in many ways, most especially when God led Andy to these verses in Jeremiah 29:4-5; 7.

"Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 'Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce....But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.' "

Of course, we still hope that God chooses to send us overseas again but for now we are striving to be content to be used as His vessels here in Spartanburg. After all, we are just clay.

2 Corinthians 4:7-8, 10-12

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair... always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you."

So the more we die to our flesh, the more He is able to live in us & be glorified, ultimately that others may know Him and have true life. My (our) discomfort in exchange for His eternal glory revealed- yeah it is worth it (2 Cor. 4:17)!!!


Ruth Mahoney